HIM

PETANG, AFTER FINISH MY E-PJJ CLASS DEKAT UITM SABAH

FAMILY AND I, BERCADANG MAHU PERGI UMS BECAUSE ADA TAMU GADANG KE-21. ACTUALLY, HANYA UNTUK TENGOK PERSEMBAHAN KCLIQUE JE...HAHAHAHAHA...MY LIL BRO SANGGUP WAIT SAMPAI JAM 10.30 MAYBE MORE JUST MAU TENGOK THAT RAPPER...

SO, THAT HALF OF EVENING I GUESS...I SUDDENLY FEEL SOMEONE KNOCK MY HEART. I'M NOT SURE WHO? WHERE?...KITA BOLEH RASA JIKA THE RIGHT ONE D SEKITAR KITA...BUT NOT SAME FEELING YANG AKU MASA JUMPA CRUSH...INI LAIN MACAM, MACAM LAIN-LAIN MACAM AJA LA....HAHAHAHA

SO, MEMANG I FEEL THE CONNECTION LAH...AKU OF COURSE TERCARI2 SIAPA KAH GERANGAN SI DIA...MAU KATA AKU TERUJA INDA JUA BOSS...BIASA AJA TU TENGOK K CLIQUE...RAPPER KAN YO! YO! WASSAP!...

DI PINDIKKAN SARITA,

AKU JADI SHOCK!

AKU BETUL2 JADI SHOCK!

AKU LIHAT SANA SINI

AKU TERCARI-CARI DI MANA KAH DIA

BUT I CANNOT PUN, SO MANY PEOPLE THERE AND SUPER CROWDED!

LAWAK IS AKU PEGI TENGOK PERSEMBAHAN BUKAN NAMPAK APA2 PUN

SETAKAT SI MK SEJA...HAHAHA...SEBAB DIA TINGGI YANG MEMBERS LAIN SEDIH SYUKUR2 JA NAMPAK KEPALA...SEDIHNYA KALU PINDIK NI...NASIB BAIKLAH AKU INDA PERNAH IKUT KEHENDAK MAU TENGOK ARTIS KOREA PUNYA CONCERT LG CROWDED!...SILAP BATULAK2 DI PIJAK2 KALI...

MAYBE BECAUSE OF MY DOA (THAT PERSON IS THERE)

WHICH IS I WANT A GOOD MAN

A MATURE MAN

A TALL (I WISH)

A MAN WHO CAN READ QURAN (AT LEAST HE KNOW HOW TO READ SIKIT PUN OKAY DARIPADA NOT KNOW LANSUNG)

A MAN WHO LOVES HIS MOTHER SO MUCH (I FOUND IT)

I WONDER SAPA LAH DIA TU: APA SOMEONE YANG AKU AKAN KENAL SOON OR ORANG YANG SUDAH KENAL AND BERTEMU BALIK OR...

SUSAHNYA KALU MASA BELUM SAMPAI

KAU CARI LAH DI MANA-MANA

PASTI KAU TIDAK AKAN JUMPA APA2

BUT WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT

WELL, ALLAH WILL AKAN GERAKKAN HATINYA FOR MUNCUL WITHOUT PLANING

BENDA TU EASY JA, HALANGAN CAMMANA PUN EVERYTHING WILL GO SO EASY

I THINK IS SEMUA ORANG SA JUMPA IN LIFE NI

MESTI 1 SANGKUT PUNYA, OR MAYBE SA PERLU MENJELAJAH LEBIH JAUH CTH TAWAU, LD, SANDAKAN KALI SEBAB AREA SANA AKU BALUM TAH PIGI2 MANATAU DIA RUPANYA ORANG SANA (TIDAK MUSTAHIL AND BOLE JADI)...BUT MY FIRASAT YAKIN YANG MANUSIA ITU RUMAHNYA JAUH SANGAT...HOPEFULLY NEXT YEARS SA JUMPA LA DIA, FEMES SANGAT KA APAKAH...PAYAH BANAR MAU DILIHAT BAH...MAKA DI SABAH JUGA PUN MAYBE...

HARAP DIA SEMBOII LAH TUJA

OK. BYE

WHO?!

IT'S WEIRD WHY HE STILL NOT SHOW UP?
I WONDER WHERE ARE HIM LIVE....
WHERE THE EARTH YOU CAME FROM? PLUTO? THE MOON? 
ARE HIM ALIEN? HAHAHAH...
HOW FAR HIS HOUSE FROM MY HOUSE
2KM, 3KM, 10KM, 1000KM, OR 100MILLION KM? 
OR MORE FAR THAN WHAT I THINK...

I WONDER IF HIS ONE OF MY FRIENDS?
MY COUSIN FRIENDS?
SIBLING FRIEND?
MY NEIGHBOR?
DO I KNOW HIM?
DO I NOT KNOW AND NEVER EVER MEET HIM?

WELL...
I DON'T KNOW
UNTIL MEET HIM IN PERSON (FUTURE)
BUT WHEN? AT WHERE? HOW?
ARE HIM SO FAMOUS UNTIL HE AFRAID TO SHOW UP?
ARE HIM BUSY PERSON WHO DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME FRO HIMSELF?

WHAT HIS JOBS?
ARE HIM WORKING?
I WONDER HOW MUCH HIS MONTHLY SALARY?

OR ARE HIM NOT READY...SERIOUSLY?
WHAT THE BIGGEST PROBLEM HE HANDLE JUST NOW?
ARE HIM HAS PROBLEM NEED TO SETTLE WITH POLICE? COURT? FIREMAN? DOCTOR? TEACHER?

ARE HIM HANDSOME?
I WONDER WHICH RANK HIS FACE WILL BE? MAYBE NO.1 
MAYBE HE SUPER DUPER HANDSOME MAN THAT WHY HE AFRAID TO SHOW UP...HAHAHA
I WONDER IF HIM EVER SHOW UP AT ANY PLACE I GO...
ARE HIM EVER COME OR VISIT MY PLACE...
HOW FAR OUR DISTANCE RIGHT NOW?
ARE HIM SOMETHING THAT I CAN REACH...

I WISH I CAN MEET HIM NOW AND SAID THAT I LOVE YOU MY MR. RIGHT (IN  MY DREAMS)

MY FAVORITE KPOP IDOLS

WAKE UP IN THE MORNING 
DO MY ROUTINE ACTIVITIES
CHECKING INSTAGRAM AND TWITTER
WHAT NEWS OR ANY ARTICLES ABOUT THEM TODAY
I READ ALL OF THEM...MAYBE
I LAUGH SOMETIMES
I CURIOUS SOMETIMES HOW THEIR REACTION 
I CRINGE SOMETIMES WITH THEIR FANS POST

THEY SAID THEY MISS HIM/HER (OKAY)
THEY SAID THEY LOVE HIM/HER (WOW)
THEY SAID THEY CRY FOR HIM/HER (BUT WHY)
THEY SAID CAN'T SLEEP OR LIVE WITHOUT HIM/HER (OH..SERIOUSLY?)
THEY SAID NO ONE CAN REPLACE HIS/HER PLACE (STOP THAT...IT'S ALL A LIES)
THEY EVEN ASKING HIM/HER HOW HIS LIFE GOING ON (ARE THIS necessary?)
THEY EVEN GOT ANGRY WITH ALL BAD RUMOR ABOUT HIM/HER (SO? CRY? BOOK A FLIGHT & FLY TO KOREA?)

THEY CAN'T HANDLE IT SOON
THEY CAN'T TAKE A GOOD CARE OF THEMSELVES SOON
THEY ONLY WANT HIM/HER
THEY WILLING TO GET HURT TO PROTECT THEIR FAVORITE IDOLS 
WHAT THE POINT OF # BEING YOURSELF IF YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKING A GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF?
CA

MY IMAGINATION

I BET THAT HIS PAST LIFE FULL OF SADNESS
BUT TO HANDLE THAT, HE HAS PRETEND TO BE HAPPY 
GIVE A LOT OF SMILE UNTIL IT'S BECOME SOMETHING THAT CALL ROUTINE

I THINK HE MUST VERY DISSATISFIED WITH HIS LIFE IN THE PAST
BUT HE STILL TRY TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING

I THINK HE MUST HAVE DESIRE TO BE ANGRY
WITH HIS MOTHER AND TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME
BUT HE KNOWS HE CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT HIS MOTHER
BECAUSE HE LOVES HIS MOTHER SO MUCH

HE MIGHT HAVE A LOT OF SAVING TO BUY SOMETHING HE WANTS
OR MAYBE HE NOT BUY ANYTHING AT ALL

HIS HYPERACTIVE ATTITUDE,
I'M NOT BLAMING HIS MOTHER
SINCE, HIS MOTHER WORKING SO HARD MAKE A LOT OF MONEY
SO HE HAVE TO FIND SOURCE OF LEARNING (BY ATTITUDE)
HE HAVE TO FIND A FRIENDS AND BE FRIENDLY WITH EVERYONE HE MEET
BUT NO ONE WILL TELL HIM WHETHER WHAT HIS DOING ARE GOOD OR BAD
SO HE MUST FIGURE IT OUT BY HIMSELF.

A SWEET MEMORIES

at first i was not thinking anything. That time i ever CRUSH on someone and i decide to be just friend with him. So, at least get close and can talk also share to each others.

So, that time i was very happy because my crush talk to me. He shared about his friend feelings towards me. I actually feel being forced to accept something that i didn't like it at all. He said something like this "KAU TERIMA SEJALAH SHINTA SI B TU"..."1 MINGGU PUN JADI LAH"...I feel like "ehh", why he so work hard for his friend feeling. I do feel uncomfortable that time.

I think his weird because he loves "sweet talk" with me. I'm not sure that time whether dia ni "main2" or "serious". My favorite is stalking social media for certain people. So, i think maybe it's the best ideas. I try opened my heart to accept his friend and i become close a bit. Sebenarnya pada masa itu, i'm not ready pun nak buka hati sebab i still sayang dengan Si Arwah itu. I ever share sad story that i'm losing my friend at him. I thought he will say something like "it's okay" "don't worry, you will be fine"  "take your time to recover yourself" etc...No and never heard something like that...but he said is "YANG MATI TIDAK PAYAH LAH DI INGAT", it's hurt but that words really help me more to REDHA dengan ketentuan-NYA...Yang sudah tiada tidak akan ada istilah kembali but ianya hanya akan jadi sebuah memori yang manis dan pahit.

So, kami orang berchat la di social media such as WECHAT...But our conversation tidak ambik masa lama pun... i think after dia confess sesuatu  then kami senyap no more conversation until now. kami play game nikah that time...and then secara tidak sengaja kami bertentangan mata and i feel like "ehh"...i never think and imagine that situation happen...That time, i feel like "wow this man so handsome"...Then i try to control everything to make sure no one realize that i fall in love at him more than his friend.

WORST MEMORIES THAT I NEVER FORGOT

Hello

Aku nak share sikit cerita ngeri that happen in my life ni...cerita ni between Crush and me...let's go!

Ceritanya begini, ada satu petang ini...aku balik on time malas nak ambik overtime. So, tak di sangka pula masa aku nak keluar simpang i don't know macammana aku boleh hampir berlanggar and bertembung dengan sebuah lori (lori hantar barang aja)...of course aku nervous gila, berdebar-debar, sempat lagi aku berfikir eh~ takkan masa dah sampai (faham2 jela ye)...sempat lagi aku smile hahahaha...kebetulan incik crush aku pula yang drive lori tu

Syukur Alhamdulillah. kami berjaya elak each others. Lucky for him sebab aku just senyapkan aja. Aku terus pulang rumah sebab memang hilang semangat aku masa itu. i'm not sure if dia ada tengok balik (i mean is kejar balik nak minta maaf), but i think he never care pun. 

So, lepas je kejadian tersebut tahap trauma aku dekat LORI memang cannot be gone until now. Aku rasa lori tu macam nak hempah aku je (aku drive sendiri). Esoknya, ingat dia mau say "SORRY" hmm tiada lansung pun. Buat muka ndak bersalah yes acah ndak ada apa-apa happen between US. Nasib engko CRUSH aku, kalu tidak lama da kena report hahahaha...

Asal nampak lori je, half of my spirit mau bye3 sudah...sebab teringat kejadian dahsyat itu. I wonder juga why dia tak pernah say "sorry"?... Benda Simple je but not easy to ucapankan. Maybe dia sudah lupakan kali ya...But not for me...cubalah dia at least responsible sikit, ni sedih nothing okay.

That time, aku baru kehilangan BFF (sebab dia la penasihat yang aku always cari and minta pendapat). After dia pass away sebab sakit then aku realize i do love him more (hahahaha terlambat sis). Sedih tahap terpikir nak end life pada masa tersebut. Tak sangka pulak, entah cammana bole tersuka dengan someone ni. Actually, aku ingat my childhood friend incik A. Rupanya bukan hahahah nasib baik aku tak confident sangat panggil nama kawan aku tu tak pasal malu sendiri salah orang kau sis.

Walaupun Incik crush aku ni, adalah sama sikit2 dengan Si arwah tu but still many different dari segi attitude and personality. Sometimes i don't really understand why it's happen and banyak2 lelaki kacak kat MALAYSIA ini, why him. hahahahah....

Apa-apa pun past is past. Cuma kejadian itu i will never forgot and i will always be carefull bila nak keluar simpang hehe 

CRUSH

SERONOK KAN BILA JATUH HATI DEKAT SESEORANG DALAM DIAM SEBAB MUKA, TINGGI, GAYA, PERWATAKAN DAN ETC.

SERONOK BILA DAPAT TALK DENGAN DIA. DIA PULAK LAYAN KAU MACAM GIRLFRIEND WALAUPUN DIA TIADA HATI DEKAT KAU. 

SERONOK BILA DAPAT SHARE PELBAGAI STORY DENGAN DIA. DIA PUN JENIS SUKA LAYAN PADAHAL SUDAH BERPUNYA. 

BUT....

KADANG-KADANG SEDIH JUGA LAH... 

SEBAB DIA LAYAN KAU SEPERTI TEMAN TAPI MESRA TAPI THE END DIA TAK CHOOSE KAU PUN

DIA STILL IN LOVE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND

MAYBE GIRL ITU SUDAH BERKORBAN BANYAK BENDA DEKAT DIA

MAYBE ITU PUNCA UTAMA DIA MASIH STAY DENGAN SAME PERSON

TERPAKSA LAH KAU MEMBAWA DIRI HUJUNG-HUJUNG KATIL SEDIH

HAHAHAHA...

RASA DIRI INI STUPID JUGA KADANG

MACAM MANA BOLEH TERSUKA HAK ORANG

DENGAN HARAPAN 'MANATAU BERJODOH'...YUCK!

IN MY DREAMS BOLEH JE...